Being myself – living and feeling and experiencing life



This post by Brenda Slomka, Manager, Residence Life, St. Lawrence College, Kingston

Before I go any further I should disclose that I’m writing this blog because I want to, not because I have to. I should also share that I work in Student Affairs, more specifically Residence and have done this work for a “couple of years”.  I do this work because I love contributing to developing community and because I love working with young adults.  I should clearly state that in all of my work within post-secondary institutions I never say that drinking is wrong. Lastly I should let you know that some life values that I hold close to me as well as time at my alma mater, the University of Waterloo will largely influence comments that I make in this post.

A couple of years ago on this date (okay so maybe it was more than a couple of years ago), I turned 19, and it just so happened that my birthday fell on what was one of the main orientation events at university.  While alcohol was available at orientation events if you were 19 years of age and had your ID, it wasn’t available at all events, just some.  I was blessed to study at a school that had balanced conversations/events around alcohol. 

As it turned out, I didn’t have my first drink of alcohol until April of that school year. One of the reasons was money.  While mom and dad helped me with some tuition over first year, I was paying for my education myself.  Another reason was that I loved going out with friends knowing that I’d be safe - that my drinks wouldn’t be drugged, and that I didn’t have to worry about drinking and driving.  Mostly it was about living and feeling and experiencing all that I could. 

All of this was, I think a good foundation for when my residence friends and I were out and they offered to buy me a drink.   I was simply able to say “I’m not drinking tonight” as we danced the night away at Fed Hall.

I’m reminded of another birthday I celebrated.  I was with a bunch of people standing outside.  We were observing students walking home from the pub.  I remember someone made a comment about "everyone has to get it out of their system" and then someone else turned and looked at me saying "not everyone".  I smiled but also found myself reflecting on the many conversations I’ve had in the campus pub and other fine establishments.  Conversations that when you really get down to it are not about why doesn't Brenda get drunk, or why haven't you smoked pot but about who I am and how I live my life.
This post isn't about right and wrong.
It isn't about justification.
It isn't even about making a case for myself.

It is for me -if you will - almost like giving myself permission to be myself and to celebrate the woman I am.  It is an opportunity for me to consider that I have not missed out on much, living life the way I have.  It is an opportunity for me to celebrate and relish the confidence I have in who I am and who I am becoming.

And it is a hope that it will maybe encourage you to consider the choices that you are making around alcohol.  It’s my hope that maybe you’ll give pause to when you choose to consume alcohol and that it may just remind you that there are many of us who have done just fine without it.

So let me leave you with this quote from Tuesdays with Morrie, where author Mitch Albom summarizes a conversation he has with his old professor:

"...so many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning".

Here’s to a great year of contribution, community and purpose.